Fighting Social Exhaustion: How to Foster Authentic & Energizing Connections
The older I get I think the more I battle social exhaustion. At first I thought that I was slowly becoming an introvert like my husband but I am finding that it’s more about how I interact with people and what energy you put out that determines how I feel after a social interaction. When you put your authentic self out there and surround yourself with people who connect with you on a deeper level you will leave social interactions feeling more fulfilled and less exhausted. Keep reading to see my full reflection and how to foster energizing relationships and interactions.
Am I Still an Extrovert
For most of my life I have seen myself as an extrovert. I loved being around people and always felt more comfortable in crowds. In college I was the one bringing all of our friends together and sacrificed countless hours of slept to ensure I never missed out on a social interaction. As I have aged I have come to love my alone time more and more and need that down time in order to recharge. Being surrounded by people, especially large groups, has led to social exhaustion. I found myself needed days and sometimes weeks to prepare for the next social gathering. I wanted to figure out what was changing. Was it me or was it the types interactions and connections I was fostering?
Am I Becoming an Introvert?
Over the past few months, I have been hyper aware and introspective during my social interactions. Not only have I been mindful during the interactions, but I have taken time after to reflect. How was I feeling while I talking with people? Which aspects of the interaction led to social exhaustion? Which aspects brought me energy?
During both my Nashville and NYC trips, I had opportunities to spend time with women who I truly connect with on a deeper level. Though both trips included extended time in social settings, I left feeling empowered and energized. I wanted to recreate these feelings so I began to dig into the why. Today I am sharing my reflection and tips in hopes that they help you eliminate social exhaustion and foster energizing connections.
Social Exhaustion
We've all been there in draining social situations. The small talk, the pleasantries, the forced smiles. More and more I am finding there are social settings where people have no desire to connect on a deeper level. It's those surface level interactions that leave me feeling drained. When I am unable to connect with someone on a real level and share some sense of vulnerability, I leave unfulfilled and emotionally depleted. So how do we avoid these types of exhausting social situations and foster energizing relationships and interactions based on authenticity.
Energizing Social Interactions
Do you ever leave a friends house or a coffee date with someone new filled with ideas and excitement? When I spend time around other individuals who enjoy connecting on a deeper more personal level, I leave feeling more energized and motivated. These interactions challenge me to think and inspire me to build on energy I have gained. I am realizing more and more that these situations don’t just happen. It’s essential to surround yourself with people who feed your energy instead of draining it. By making strategic decisions about my interactions, I am able to reserve my energy and incorporate social plans without feeling physically and mentally exhausted.
How to Foster Energizing Social Interactions
Learning to Say No
You don't have to commit to everything. Accepting this has been a huge struggle for me. There's always that fear of missing out, losing an opportunity or wondering what could have been. Sometimes it's hard to say no, but in the end it's the best thing you can do for yourself to eliminate social exhaustion. Get really good and confident about saying NO. It doesn’t have to be an excuse, in fact honesty is the best policy. Some key phrases that work well for me are:
- "I am not up for ____ tonight"
- "I need to make time for self-care"
- "Thank you the invite, but I need to recharge."
- “Please think of me next time."
It's hard to miss out on fun events, but becoming more comfortable with declining has allowed me to better evaluate and choose how I spend my time. Instead of over-committing, I am balanced, more rested and able to approach social interactions with energy ready to connect.
Surround Yourself with Inspiration & Positivity
You are what you surround yourself with. In order to feed my passion and energy I absorb inspirational content on a regular basis. Podcasts, inspirational social media, books - I look for inspiration everywhere. I have listed some of my favorites resources below to get you started.
Podcasts
Books
- The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***
- Think Happy
- Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy
Social Media
- @TheAuthenticWomanSeries
- @MindsetofGreatness
- @BodyPosiPanda
- @RaleighCreativeCollective
- @AlisonsBrandSchool
- @OwnItBabe
- @ToneItUp
When we're drained it can lead to a negative headspace. Instead of fueling that negativity with negative energy, flip the script and surround yourself with as much positive, motivational content as possible. Where do you look for inspiration?
Use That Inspiration to Fuel Positive Connections
Not only does surrounding yourself with inspirational content feed your mind, it allows you to have deeper more fulfilling interactions with others. When you are inspired, you are able to have more personal conversations with others. That fire is lit from within and you will be encouraged to share it with others. Think about when you were last excited about something. It could be a project you started, a book you read or a song that got you dancing. After that moment, didn't you want to go share that excitement with someone else? Why not foster that kind of excitement and authentic connection regularly?
The Trick to Networking
Networking sucks. If we can all admit that it will make meeting new people and network so much easier. Who enjoys small talk? So why not, drop the small talk and strive true connections. Introduce yourself and share something about yourself that really matters. Let your personality shine through. Showing you are willing to be open and vulnerable allows you to quickly move from the get to know you phase into REAL conversations. Those real conversation will in turn energize you instead of leaving you exhausted. Success to networking requires the realization that not everyone will respond well to your openness and that’s OK. If you put yourself out there and it’s not reciprocated, MOVE ON. Its the true connections who will add value to your life in the long term.
Let Go of Negative People & Situations
The reality is not everyone is interested in having these deeper kinds of connections. Some people are fine with the simple pleasantries and surface level friendships. In fact some people prefer it. Whatever their reason may be, that doesn't have to change your approach. Instead, sometimes you have to be willing to let those people go. After cancer I had to take a hard look at my life and eliminate situations and people that did not bring me joy.
Physically exhausted from treatment and working to heal myself, I only had time to enter into energizing relationships. I continue to make those relationships a priority in order to better care for myself and give back to those around me. We are so conditioned to think that losing friends means something is wrong with us, but in reality, letting go of toxic relationships actually means you are stronger and more self-aware. Let go of that drama and negativity and move towards that happiness and success that is waiting for you.
Continue the Energizing Momentum
Once you have rid your life of negativity, the next step is growing the energy you gain. If you leave a conversation or an experience feeling energized you MUST continue that momentum. A few weeks ago in NYC I had a dinner with new friends that left me so inspired I floated home on a cloud filled with joy. Afraid to lose those feelings, I quickly channeled that energy into creativity and gratitude. For the next few days I was able to use that energy to fuel other fulfilling interactions. By putting out the energy I wanted to gain it became a self-fulfilling cycle.
Make Yourself the Person You Want to be Around
Maybe you’re not having fulfilling social interactions or you are struggling to connect with others. We go through so many disappointing social interactions, it can be easy to blame others for the lack of fulfillment and social exhaustion in our lives. If you’re stuck in this rut, step back and empower yourself to take charge of the situation. Remember that you have the power to be the person you want to be around. Projecting this energy will attract the type of people you want to be around.
Ever since I started my blog 3 years ago it has inspired me share more of my authentic self. Before I was insecure, worried people wouldn’t like the real me. I spent so much trying to be what I thought people wanted me to be and it was EXHAUSTING. Through the blog I was able to share my authentic self online and when that vulnerability was well received, it empowerment me to try that same approach in person. I can't control the people around me, but I can control what I put out into the universe. Feeling comfortable with myself and the person I have become has helped me form deeper connections and fight social the social exhaustion I had become accustomed to.
Maybe you are dealing with insecurity, struggling to find confidence or just socially exhausted. Whatever challenges you are facing remember you have the power to create change. You are an amazing person and the more you share your vulnerabilities and set boundaries for your energy the more fulfilling your interactions will become. I hope my insight and reflections will help you find more comfort in your authentic self and foster more energizing social connections with the people around you.
Outfits Details:
Outfit 1: Striped Pants |White Cami | Pink Heels | Purse (similar) | Pink Earrings
Outfit 2: Black Jumpsuit (similar) | Lace Top | Pink Pumps | White Earrings
Outfit 3: White Skirt | Brown Tank (similar)
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