Fertility

Waiting for Joy After Loss

Pregnancy Announcement After Loss

This has been the longest 13 weeks ever and it's been so hard to keep things under wraps. We kept waiting for the "all clear" but just like with everything else in my story, the hurdles continue. There will never be the one perfect moment, but I've had enough waiting and we're ready to share our big news! WE'RE HAVING A BABY!

We're Pregnant!!!!!

Pregnancy Announcement After Loss

What, how, when!? Those were my mom's questions when I called her on April 13th to share the amazing news that I was pregnant. This am after weeks of going into the fertility clinic for blood tests anxious to begin our next FET Cycle. My cancer timeline was adding stress and I was anxious to try one more time before switching gears to the adoption/surrogacy track.

FET Cyle #2

My estrogen was too high to begin an FET cycle and yet I kept spotting making me think my period had arrived. After 3 tests (blood draws and ultrasounds) spread out over a week or so, we started to get confused. Could I have ovulated? We were so busy thinking about the FET cycle and healing from the hysteroscopy to remove my remaining D&C tissues from the January miscarriage that my natural cycle was the last thing on my mind. Mac on the other hand, had held out hope for a natural pregnancy, despite all our loss. I think the self-protectionist in me was avoiding thoughts of getting pregnant naturally to prevent disappointment.

Pregnancy Announcement After Loss
Graduation Day from UNC Fertility

Change of Plans

So what was supposed to be an ultrasound to check on my ability to start a frozen embryo transfer cycle, turned into a pregnancy confirmation!!!!! My HCG was 10,000 indicating I was already about 5 weeks pregnant.

Pregnancy Announcement After Loss

Short Lived Joy

The utter elation I felt was absolutely amazing. I never thought I was going feel that emotion again after our previous losses and was shocked and surprised by my own unbridled joy. It was short lived though. Within 24 hours, I was gushing blood and calling Mac terrified.

Pregnancy Announcement After Loss

Living in Fear

All I could imagine was that the baby was gone and I was miscarrying, but then the bleeding stopped. From that point on though, my joy was stunted. It turned out I had was still pregnant but also had a blood clot in my uterus (called a Subchorionic Hemorrhage). It was not impacting the baby, but it meant I would continue to bleed as the clot worked its way out or was reabsorbed. You can imagine the stress that caused, even though UNC Fertility continued to monitor me with weekly ultrasounds.

Pregnancy Announcement After Loss

The Pregnancy Hurdles Continue

Every pregnancy change, pain, oddity, or bleeding had me terrified the baby was gone and that I was no longer pregnant. Fast forward to last week (11 weeks 5 days) and we were back at the OB with more bleeding issues. This time the bleeding was more intense and more red. It turned out my 'unicorn" status from UNC Fertility carried over and my hurdled continued. we added placenta previa to our new vocabulary.

Placenta Previa means the placenta is sitting low, right on top of my cervix. Luckily when found in the first trimester, this condition normally resolves as the cervix grows and the placenta moves. If it does not resolve, I would need to have a c-section for the safety of the baby, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. For now, due to the bleeding I have been put on restrictions. No sex, no exercise, and no lifting. GAH! I am going stir crazy without my regular walks (all I could manage with first trimester fatigue), but I am trying to embrace this time as a lesson in rest and self-care.

Pregnancy Announcement After Loss
Pregnancy Announcement After Loss

Luckily, in spite of the placenta previa and Subchorionic hemorrhage, baby is doing great! He/she is growing on track, heartbeat is strong and is very active every time we check in.

Pregnancy Announcement After Loss

Balancing the Fear & Joy

The last 13 weeks have been a constant struggle to balance the fear and joy. On the one hand we have been bracing for the worst, scared for what could come. On the other, we are trying to live in the moment and enjoy each milestone - the ultrasounds, the heartbeat and every sight of our little peanut. At every turn we are cautiously optimistic, protecting ourselves from what could be a repeat of the worst pain of our lives. It still feels surreal to say "I am pregnant".

Pregnancy Announcement After Loss

Celebrating Each Milestone

Pregnancy Announcement After Loss

If you're reading this, we're officially past the 12 week mark where miscarriage rates drop significantly. Our magic peanut continues to grow in despite my cancer and pregnancy loss history being against us. While we are not yet out of the woods in terms of a miscarriage (next check points will be at 16 & 20 weeks), I am tired of walking this path in silence. I want each of you all to share these precious moments of joy with us. We are choosing to trust that our rainbow baby is strong like its momma and will continue to grow and thrive. We also know that should anything horrible happen, this community will be here to support us each step of the way just like you were with our previous miscarriage.

Pregnancy Announcement After Loss

Oh Baby... What Questions do you have?

Pregnancy Announcement After Loss

I will be doing a full blog post all about my first trimester (symptoms, cravings, weight gain, and mini bump photos). If you have specific questions you want me to answer in the post, be sure to share them with me in the comments or on social media. As far as the gender, we already have the results of the NIPT test in a sealed envelope but we're waiting to surprise each other at our gender photo shoot later in June with Katie Britt Photography! SO excited.

Thank YOU!!!!

Pregnancy Announcement After Loss

Thank you again from the bottom of our hearts for supporting us through my breast cancer journey, fertility struggles, our nightmares of loss and now as we embark on this season of joy with our rainbow baby!!!

Amazing announcement photos by Jacqueline Reid Photography

Meet_Anna_2

Breast cancer survivor, lover of style, beauty and all things pink! Inspiring you to thrive through adversity. 

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37 Comments

    Stacy

    June 6, 2019Reply

    Tears of joy (again) for you and Mac!! Congratulations Anna!! 💕💕💕

      Anna

      June 6, 2019Reply

      Thank you so much sweet friend!!!

      Anna

      June 6, 2019Reply

      Thank you my love

      Melisande Balleste

      June 6, 2019Reply

      I am beyond happy for you. ❤️ Congrats to you and Mac.

        Anna

        June 6, 2019Reply

        Thank you sweetheart!

    Andrea Liliana Griffiths

    June 6, 2019Reply

    Oh Ana!!!! I’m so happy for you and Mac. What an incredible blessing :heart:

      Anna

      June 6, 2019Reply

      Thank you love!!!!

    Jennifer

    June 6, 2019Reply

    Oh my goodness such good news, so happy for your all!!!!

      Anna

      June 6, 2019Reply

      Thank you so much! We’re over the moon

    Casey Rozanski

    June 6, 2019Reply

    This makes me so happy and I am just filled with joy! I knew this was going to happen for yall. I am so excite to hear more about this journey and we can always discuss more! I am 26 weeks today!

      Anna

      June 6, 2019Reply

      Yess I would love to Chat!!!

    Judy

    June 6, 2019Reply

    Congratulations! Im

      Anna

      June 6, 2019Reply

      thank you

    Patti Duhon

    June 6, 2019Reply

    ❤ My heart is overjoyed for you both. When you think about it, everything is a miracle. God is so good.

      Anna

      June 6, 2019Reply

      Thank you so much!

    Alexandra

    June 6, 2019Reply

    What a blessing!!! So happy for y’all… ps: we shared the same doctors and nurses ☺️

      Anna

      June 6, 2019Reply

      WOW I love that! At UNC Fertility?

    Cheryl

    June 6, 2019Reply

    You just made me cry !!! I’m so excited for you both, I am so happy for you both !!! I believe timing is everything and it is your time xoxoxox

      Anna

      June 6, 2019Reply

      You are so sweet

    Trina Moore

    June 6, 2019Reply

    What wonderful news! Congratulations to two deserving people. I have been following you since my own cancer journey started last August, through surgery and chemo, and now I will have my final radiation treatment Monday. Thank you for your uplifting advice, it really inspired me to also be uplifting to others going through the same thing. May God richly bless your family, both now and with future children!

      Anna

      June 6, 2019Reply

      You are so kind thank you!

    Lindsay B

    June 6, 2019Reply

    Congratulations, this is wonderful news ❤️

    Jessie Bishop

    June 6, 2019Reply

    Congratulations my love! I can’t wait to spoil the ever living f$*k out of this baby 😍❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ (I won’t swear too much around him/her, probably).

    Cheri Severance

    June 7, 2019Reply

    So excited for you 💕I am so glad though it’s so hard that you share your joy.. prayers for this baby and your family what a wonderful blessing..lots of rest momma! I love following your story thank you for being so real. It hits home always ..

      Anna

      June 7, 2019Reply

      Thank you so much!!!

    Brenda Yates

    June 7, 2019Reply

    I’m thrilled beyond words. Breast cancer always has us living between fear of reoccurrence and joy with being alive. Wanting to start a family adds a whole different level of challenges. You have approached this journey with so much courage. I admire your resilience and positive spirit. Praying all good news from now on for you all. Much love and many hugs. 💕💕💕💕

      Anna

      June 7, 2019Reply

      Thank you so much. I could not agree more.

    Cindi Y

    June 7, 2019Reply

    Hearty and Prayful congrats on your exciting news….I enjoy reading your blog…you are a strong person…as is your husband, it would appear…..Congrats to you both!

      Anna

      June 7, 2019Reply

      Thank you so much. You are so kind.

    Lore De la Peña

    June 7, 2019Reply

    Seriously Anna, you made me cry at work!!! I am so so happy for you & Mac! Cancer days are long gone and you should enjoy every moment of this pregnancy!!! Sending tons tons of hugs and love!!!

      Anna

      June 7, 2019Reply

      Hate I made you cry but thank you so much!!! Happy tears

    Ruth

    June 7, 2019Reply

    Congratulations beautiful!!! I’m sooo happy for the two of you

      Anna

      June 7, 2019Reply

      Thank you so much for your kindness

    Danielle Livingstone

    June 13, 2019Reply

    Congratulations to you both. I have been following your journey the whole way and i cannot be happier. You both deserve this amazing blessing and joy xxx

      Anna

      June 13, 2019Reply

      Thank you so much for your support.

    Lynne

    August 25, 2019Reply

    Wonderful news! And such a hopefully story for those of us a few steps behind you.

      Anna

      August 28, 2019Reply

      I am so glad I can bring hope to others walking the same path.

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